I actually tried the Purina Dog Food diet.

[Captain O]

That's the one where you eat a healthy breakfast, lunch, and dinner, but you carry a handful of Purina Dog Chow kibbles in a plastic bag in your jacket pocket. (You eat a kibble or two when you're hungry on between meals).

Everything went well for the first three weeks until I was nearly hit by a School Bus while I was pissing on a fire hydrant! 

[pacapcop]

Well, at least it's Diet. Weight conscious.

[CurtisM]

That went in a different direction than I thought it would.  Figured you would of been run over when setting in the road licking your backside when the car hit you.

[Captain O]

One neighbor threatened to shoot me for baying at the moon at 3:30 a.m. 

[Olgo]

The ladies didn't like me sniffing their hinnies. 

[Pablo]

Take a dump in my yard and I'll pellet your scruffy ass.