I usually take and pick up my Son from school but my wife picked him up on this particular day. I was working on my Tahoe and he walks over to me and said Dad I got into a fight today. I looked at him and said did you start it and a quick no sir was replied. I said did you win and he looked me straight in the eyes and said yes I did. We went to see American Sniper together and the part where Chris Kyles' dad talked about sheep, sheepdogs, and wolves he looked at me and said I have heard that sermon several times.
My son is a good kid at 11 this was the first fight he had ever gotten into. I have taught h how to defend himself physically and mentally. We mock fight all the time but he's getting to where his punches hurt and he getting quicker.
Went into the school with him the next morning and waited on the A.P. She didn't like what I had to tell her, because she had not talked to him but had the write up already filled out. I told her if that had been me I would have my day in court and she had already pronounced him guilty. She really didn't like that. Then she started in with the libtard stuff about fighting. I told her she had no say in how I raised my Son. You could see her face and neck get more red as I was in her office. Principle didn't like me either.
I'm not bragging but I am proud my son defended himself in a situation that quickly escalated. Schools are as bad as our government.
So anyone else's kid get into their first fight yet?
In the schools around here, kids are supposed to go into the fetal postion, covering the back of their neck. A friend's son was suspended for raising his arms to cover his face. Didnt even throw a punch.
My son is now 24. He had his first fight around 8th grade. A small scuffle ON THE SOCCER FIELD ... And the ref didn't even see it. Both boys were playing hard and rough and the other kid got upset and shoved him. My son took a swing. I held my head low and hoped the other parents didn't notice. I taught my son to walk away when he could. In this case, he could have.
Ragarding your situation, many schools have a zero tolerance policy for fighting. Both parties are automatically guilty. They expect the defender to just take it until an adult comes and stops it. Like it or not, it's policy. I struggled with it, but didn't want to raise my child to disobey the rules. So, what are the options:
Fight back and defend yourself and suffer the ramifications. Our school systems would suspend both children three days.
Buck up and take the shoves or punches. Let the other kid get tossed out from school. Focus on the books and be his boss one day.
The real beef I had in the system was a friends child was suspended WHEN HE DIDN't EVEN DEFEND HIMSELF! He was a party to the fight even if he just covered up and took the beating.
What else can we do? Run for office. Vote. Be vocal about our opinions. I agree that an investigation should be done and justice dispensed as appropriate instead of the zero tolerance policy where both parties are always treated equally as guilty. However, if that's the system in place, I'd encourage my son to be the better man and take the licks and let the other kid take the harder fall by getting kicked out of school and working a dead-end job for the rest of his life.
No worries yet for me my oldest is two. My younger brother got in one a couple years ago when his friend was getting beat up in a hallway my brother broke two knuckles on the back of ones head knocking the teen out. His friend required surgery to reattach his ear he also had a broken jaw and one of his eyes was out of socket. I won't have my kids sit and take that beating.
I'm not one to do a lot of typing never learned how. So I will explain what happen like I should have in my first post. The boy my Son got into a fight with was trying to take a Hulla hoop away from a girl. All my son said was hey that not cool leave her alone. The boy went to cussing and coming toward him. When The boy got within arms length my son shoved him backwards and told him don't come at me again. I would not have turned my back on a situation like this and my son was taught to defend himself. The boy came at him again my son put him on the ground and put a thumping on him. No Teachers were close enough to break up the fight. My son broke it off himself after he seen the other boy in the same grade as my son was no longer a threat. His Homeroom Teacher told me he was calm after the fight and explained the situation clearly. This is what I have taught him. Stay in your higher brain don't let anger do your fighting know exactly what you are going to do. He has always been a rule follower but his safety is far more important that any rule.
As far as being the bigger man and letting it go I know people personally who have died doing just that turning their back and letting it go. I will continue to teach him to act quickly and with enough force to stop the threat and be able to explain why he took the actions to defend himself. He know if he starts a fight it will be far worse on him than any punishment the school system can hand out. And no I am not talking about whipping him.
We get on forums and talk about what we would do in certain situations and I will not teach my children anything different that they are going to have to unlearn when they get older.
If you want to teach your child to walk off That is your choice. And yes I believe if there are rule in place do your best to follow them but when it comes to your safety break the rules you have to to defend yourself. If you have sped, run a Red Light, not stopped at a stop Sign you did more than break a rule you broke a law. You put others in danger because of your decisions and you should pay the penalty. But if there is an emergency and You see that no one is going to get hurt by your actions and you are getting help with the situation you are still breaking the law but you are doing it for a reason. To help or protect the person be it yourself or someone else.
I am 53 and yes I have an 11yr old son and my choices were made along time ago. That I will do whatever it takes to protect my family. If that is exploding into action turn on whatever it takes inside or outside of me to keep my family safe I know that I am able and willing to do whatever it takes but I know that I will be held accountable for my actions and will be able to explain why I took the actions that I took.Why expect any difference from our children?
I hope this has given everyone who reads it something to think about. And I hope my poor typing and butchering of the English language hasn't totality missed what I have wanted to get across. I'm not telling everyone they have to raise their kids the way I have raised mine, but don't tell me how to raise mine either. There is no butt hurt here just seeing how other Parents teach their kids to handle a similar situation.
I hope my post didn't come across as a "lecture." Not my intent at all. There is no good answer with the draconian rules they have in place. I have my opinion which leans more toward comply with the rules, take the short-term licks, and win in the long run. Of course this doesn't always work and is not the right answer for every situation. Again, there really is no good answer. I'm sure you're doing a fine job with the boy and he will one day apprecate that. Which is every parents dream.
This is one area where my wife and I are on the same page in raising our kids. I'm sorry but we don't teach the just sit there and do nothing thing that most libtards teach. I strongly believe this is whey we are seeing more bullying in schools. Its a trickle down effect that bully's continue to get away with their bullying and will continue to bully. We teach both our kids not to be an instigator. But if someone hits you or bullys them they can beat the crap out of them.
I didn't have any sons, but two daughters. I always taught them to be nice, kind, and sweet - but to stand up for yourself. Both are married now with great husbands. I will relate my own story though... I was 6' 2" in 8th grade and weighed around 240 lbs (pretty solid - defensive line starter all the way to college - 295 lbs in college), my mother always taught me to walk away as I was so much bigger than the other school kids, even in 3rd grade. This lead to a lot of kids messing with me cause they always knew I would not fight back (I could put my hand on their head and hold them at arms length, so I never got hurt!). My dad on the other hand was more for standing up for yourself and I did once in high school - one punch to the other guys nose and that was all, but no one messed with me again - kind of sets the stage. I did get to go home for a day, but since it was a catholic high school and they needed me to play football there was no problem.
With the way things are now in schools and how they handle it, it seems to breed this bullying/depression/teenage suicide thing a lot more than in the days of old. I constantly hear my wife on the phone with friends that are having to take kids to the psychiatrist for issues from real bullying or social media bullying... Kind of makes me think the catholic high school coaches were right in taking us out back, giving us some boxing gloves, and letting us settle our differences the old fashioned way!
BTW - dad was (and still is) a dentist, so he said whatever I do don't hit them in the mouth aim for the nose!!!
Thanks for the replies none offended me and some were funny.